I hate how predictable I am.
I’ll start every new challenge or task with full force, research, plans, expectations. Claiming how easy it is and how I won’t let emotions get in the way of succeeding, but reality and in-grained patterns always kick in.
Day 11 saw my anxiety hit overdrive. I had trouble breathing and I could feel a pit in my stomach growing quickly.
Before I started the #minsgame, the idea of having this reaction would have been silly to me. Particularly for the items I got rid of on day 11 – my collection of costume and statement jewellery. I’ve barely worn any of it and they have no sentimental value. Until I thought about why I bought the jewellery in the first place.
Most were purchased in my early twenties, when I was formulating my identity. I wanted to be a sophisticated and fabulous person who wasn’t afraid to put her style out there by wearing vintage costume jewellery.
Giving it away is like saying I’m never going to be that person. Right now I have no vision for my future self, so for someone who constantly develops goals and has plans for everything, day 11 was TOO REAL.
Intellectually, I know that shedding my old skin is necessary to make room for the new. But it’s scary to trust that the future will be better than the past. So I was very reluctant to let go.
Aside from day 11, most of the items I’ve collected have been ‘just in case’ items:
- Tattered bed linens (day 10). Just in case…I run out of clean sheets one day.
- Uncomfortable underwear (day 13). Just in case…I refuse to do my laundry.
- Old laundry products (day 14). Just in case…I don’t know why. Every time I run out of a product I buy a new bottle. I’m afraid to use ‘back-up’ bottles because of how old they are.
This makes total sense to me given my upbringing and personality. The hoarding mentality of most first generation immigrants PLUS My tendency to strategise for every scenario EQUALS My inner-MacGyver is always lurking.
This might be saving me money, but I don’t like the idea of surrounding myself with plan B. I want to go all in on plan A and reinforce excellence in my life.
Some are doing it for 61 days, which is so impressive! I wish I had that ambition.
I feel a little inferior only doing 21 days, but I rejected the idea to extend the challenge. A key 2016 for me is to be consistent and follow through on my commitments, so I’m going to stick to 21 days as planned. Although, this has reminded me that I can push further than I give myself credit for.
One more week to go. 126 items remaining. That’s more items in this next week than I’ve had to collect in the whole #minsgame challenge so far!
Track the daily journey.
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Catch-up on the journey so far:
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